15th August 2017 – 1 week after the ‘D’ word dropped!
So I know I talk about my life in my hosiery blog posts, as I like to keep it real with you all. I don’t do the whole professional side, as there isn’t any personality involved, and that’s where I like you to get to know me for me basically.
Anyways this post is a somewhat sensitive one. I was contemplating for so long about whether or not I should be writing this; what would people think, is it attention seeking, why is she telling the world her business?
Well it’s none of the above…
This post is about basically what I have been through in the first 11 months of marriage. A lot of people who are close to me know that it hasn’t been plain sailing; the first year never is and I accepted that when I took my vows. It is hard work, it takes dedication, time, patience, love, arguments, compromise to make it work in the long run. I know it’s wrong but I made out to the world that I was so happy and so in love with the guy I was with, when in actual fact I felt so trapped.
I know writing this blog is gonna be so hard, but you know what? Everyone in my life is telling me to let it all out, heal, be angry, cry, feel the emotions, because that will help me to accept and move on. So treat this blog like a personal diary because right now, I’m just typing my mind out.
So I would like to say if this helps anyone who has had it just the same / similar, then let me say that you are not alone. There’s plenty of women that experience various emotions, feelings, thoughts etc. when it comes to being newly married and I would like to hope that this blog will help in some way…
Where It All Started
It started when I moved into his house – living with in-laws. To begin with, it takes a toll on the bride. I mean I have lived out of home before when I went to uni, but this is totally different. (A lot of girls transform into women at this stage).
As a woman, you have enough emotions to deal with right? Well let me just say that I did not expect the emotional rollercoaster… And that hit me hard! I was up and down like some constant time-of-the-month, and it was draining!
It took me a while to adjust to the changes; being more social with the family, what do they do, what do they like, how are they in their own home, what is expected of me, what shouldn’t I be doing etc. all of that plays in your head. But the one thing I never did was conform…
And I am so thankful to this day that I didn’t.
Things started to change; I soon realised that the man I married was not the man I was dating for 2 years prior. I noticed that he didn’t really talk much to me, he didn’t open up and let himself be vulnerable like I did with him. I mean I’m sharing the rest of my life with this person, so why shouldn’t I? I knew he found it hard to open up when we was dating, but it’s a different ballgame when you get married – that person is supposed to be for life. This is where I started to fall out of love with him; my perspective changed and I now had to protect myself.
“Honeymoon” – what does it actually consist of?
So the first episode was the honeymoon to Cancun. You think romance, loved up, can’t get enough of one another to the point you don’t leave the hotel room? Well mine was completely different. It was just a holiday I felt like I had been married for 25 years, not 3 weeks.
Don’t get me wrong, Cancun was gorgeous! We had days on the beach doing nothing, we had days where we were out just exploring and doing excursions! I absolutely loved it, but I didn’t feel the love from the man I have just married. I know we spent 2 years together before, but being married and being there 24/7 is completely different. So that was the first step where I knew something was wrong because we were leaving the bedroom.. untouched…
The Rocky Road Begins
From there on, it was up and down with us. I mean standard isn’t it? No marriage is perfect, and certainly not in the 1st year! But for us, we started off with no foundation; nothing intimate, nothing emotional. It was just two people who married and that was that. I’m not even going to begin exaggerating because I actually don’t have a need to. It got to a point where I slowly started to post less and less about us. I’m the type to show the world how lucky I am and how that one person makes me happy, but I slowly started to realise that he wasn’t, and honestly I don’t think he was either.
We used to argue a lot; constant nagging, the same old cr*p, nothing changed and well… it becomes this cycle eventually which is hard to break out of. All I wanted was for him to compromise a little and meet me half way, and that was like me asking him to give me the world! But I felt that he just wanted it all from me, and he wasn’t even willing to meet me half way.
So February 2017 came around, and I was planning his 29th birthday (being the 1st one as a married couple, you gotta do it right) – but it took a whole other turn! He decided he wanted some space between us (and was considering a break), and thinking me going back to my parent’s will do us both some good. I thought to myself “What The F***?” but I did the right thing and supported him, and said I would agree to do that if that is what he needed to clear his head. Cutting a long story short, we got both parents involved, for him to then turn around and say that he no longer wants a break because he saw how much I cried the night before. He felt ‘sorry‘ for me in a sense because I asked him “If it was all going to be OK in the end?” Talk about contradicting – by the way he hates this word.
Why does he hate the word contradicting? Because that word describes him down to a T.. and that is all he ever did when he was with me.
As you can imagine, he wasn’t up for celebrating after, but it was one of those where I couldn’t let him sit at home and do nothing. That’s not how we do things; we’re big on celebrating and that is exactly what we did… And things became OK again… Or so it seemed.
Slowly it started to just go downhill, and it became just petty. We would argue, and it would be like a competition as to why comes out on top? It was so stupid, and I mean I never thought I would stoop so low to make sure I had the last word, or I won the argument. That ain’t no marriage; that’s playground cr*p!
In-between all this, we did have some ups, but they weren’t that many, and 90% of those ups were forced; we had to make it look like we’re loved up, we’re happy, we’re in love.. and all that jazz!
I realised I was blogging a lot more, I was getting more involved with collaborations, I just wanted to spend my time focusing on my dream and working hard to make it happen and that’s where it started affecting us even more. He didn’t see it as I was improving my life and striving for something; he saw it as I was moving away from him and not giving him enough ‘attention’. He and his family didn’t want me to do well; they didn’t want me to have a life. They just wanted a girl who would obey.
It became “You’re blogging too much” – “You’re not spending enough time with me” – “You’re becoming distant” … I actually did feel that we grew apart quite quickly, yet each day I was still trying my hardest to make it work for us. I did used to love him, but then I realised I loved the idea of him when we was dating, and not loving the man that I’m married to. I realised we both wanted separate things, and that we weren’t doing any good to each other by being together. I was clinging onto the past us.
I used to ask myself – “Why did we get married?” – “Was we ready?“… And I always used to say that to him as well. We never actually acted like a married couple; it felt like we were this weird distorted thing that was trying so hard to fix something that is being broken second by second.
The Dreaded In-Laws
Now a lot of women (especially Indian) will agree with me on certain bits about what I’m going to say…
IT IS NOT EASY LIVING WITH INLAWS, especially with an interfering MOTHER-IN-LAW!
Now let me just clarify that I am not one to b*tch or slag someone off, but when I say that this family is just on another level, I am not joking. I got on with my father-in-law, he was a really nice guy who just got on with everyone basically. My younger brother-in-law was a bit meh; we were civil but I knew he didn’t really like me. My older brother-in-law was an OK guy (he got married a month before we did) and we got on (well that’s questionable too).
My younger brother-in-law used to keep tabs on me for my ex’s sake; what time I came home, if I made food, if I cleaned the house, what I was up to (I think my ex put him up to that really). He was so nice to your face, but a right damn b*tch behind your back. The amount of times he used to slag me off to his brothers was unreal, and not one of them defended me. Instead they agreed or kept quiet. CHEERS YOU A**HOLES!
Now the mother-in-law is something else; I have heard about the demonic ones, the nice-to-your-face and the sadistic ones too! But this woman actually makes me giggle; she thought she had control over me and she never did. Instead, she controlled her son (my ex-husband), and that’s where sh*t went downhill. She was always like that; was so lovely, like butter wouldn’t melt. But in actual fact, she didn’t cut the umbilical cord with her son and that’s what ruined us. He always listened to her over me, which is fine as that is his mum, but he had no damn backbone and that is how she controlled him. He never defended me when things were bad, he always took her side and I was always in the wrong.
I guarantee you that if any of my family read this who have met them, they will say I’m wrong, I’m being so stupid saying that. But it’s one thing when you meet them and it’s another when you live with them. They do pretence to your face, make out you’re so lucky to be in their lives, when in actual fact you just need to run for the hills. This is one family I really wish I never went into, because they tried to destroy me, they tried to make me conform into something they wanted and I never backed down.
Don’t get me wrong, I always put my hands up when I am in the wrong, but they’re the type of family they are saints and can do nothing wrong in anyone else’s eyes. She was manipulative and well basically a cow. I spoken to her loads of times about the issues me and her son had, and the whole time she used to blame me instead saying “I wasn’t doing enough“. The amount of arguments we had, it was all because I wasn’t doing my duty as a wife. Well I gave it back and told her that her son has a duty of being a husband and he can’t even do that! I would never backchat someone, but I wasn’t going to have someone criticising me when her son was the one with the issues and I’m covering him all the time trying to make it work.
All she was doing was being a repeat of her mother-in-law. She had it tough when she got married, and said to me that she didn’t want to be like that with anyone who comes into the family… And what happened? She became worse than her mother-in-law!
Well enough said about her.. I can be here all day and night talking about her, but honestly, demonic mother-in-laws ain’t got sh*t on her 😉
Then again I can’t fully blame her can I? – Why? Because the ex has a voice of his own too and could have stopped all of this… But he chose to ignore. He knew what his family were like and told me on a few occasions, but never thought to have my back at any point and instead carry on playing the ‘perfect son’ game!
Before I begin, please DO NOT think that this is any sort of cry for help; like I’m after sympathy or anything like that. I am writing about this because I want you all to know how badly I was affected during this marriage and I know that numerous people do feel like this but never actually speak out.
Did you know that within the first 6 months of marriage, a lot of Indian women commit suicide? I did a lot of Google research because I thought I was the only one; I felt alone in it all until I read articles about how unhappy women were. And I realised that I was part of a group.
So if this section helps anyone in any way, then I am truly touched that I could speak for you (to a certain extent).
Now let me explain my story about how this tattoo not only is for that one special girl, but it also represents me. I had to go into counselling for a while beginning of 2017, all because of my ex-husband. I was actually that unhappy I wanted to take my own life. He changed me; made me into this angry ball, he knew how to wind me up and get the negative side out of me. Your partner isn’t supposed to do that; they’re supposed to nurture you, cherish you, love and care for you. Mine didn’t do that for me in the slightest. It was all pretence from the day we got married and it started to chip at me day by day.
I knew self-harming wasn’t going to do it for me; I used to go to bed with him at night, which means all cuts would be exposed to him. And the next best thing would be suicide. For months I was contemplating, I even bought packets of tablets, I used to deliberately drive recklessly hoping that my car would just crash and that would be the end of it. It was a quick and easy way to go; end the marriage without questions being asked. I didn’t have to face the shame of being this divorced woman, my parent’s didn’t have to put their neck out on the line trying to defend me or anything. It would just be so simple if I went. I would stop hurting so much, trying to feel loved by someone who doesn’t want me. Trying to make someone care about me when it wasn’t even their intentions in the first place.
I don’t think people understand what it can do to a person when they’re trying so hard to be enough for someone else and is just rejected time after time. It starts to break a person down, it starts to mess with their head as well as their hearts. So no wonder a lot of people out there may not be ‘right’ or ‘normal’ – because each person has been or is going through something in their life.
I was suicidal when I was younger; I was bullied so badly to the point my life meant nothing, but I made it through with the help of my family. Nobody knew what I went through but I knew I couldn’t carry on.
So why am I telling you all this? Because once you have thought once about suicide, it never leaves you. It becomes a ‘coping method’ in some sense, and this time I knew it was more than a coping method, I meant business.
How did I manage to get out of it? My social network family. My close ones. My parents. My tortoise. Each and every person I had in my life that wished me well, had a positive impact, and was just there supporting me helped me through. I actually did it for everyone. I knew I couldn’t leave the new life I created for myself behind after all that hard work, dedication, criticism – what was it all for then if I left it all behind? Most importantly, I did it for my parents because I knew it would have broken them. They have been my rocks throughout my life, and there was no way I could have hurt them.
I managed to weedle myself out of counselling and start to manage on my own; so you know those amazing comments that some of you leave on my blog, my Insta, my DM? Well you guys are keeping me here, keeping me going strong. And now I feel stronger than ever.
Near To The End Of The Road?
Back to it…. so this is where I found out a lot more than I probably should have, but I am so glad that I did. My ex used to slag me off to his brothers, talk about me behind my back, screenshot our private messages and send it to his family to help him answer me back. I mean what person does that??? Nothing between us was private and I genuinely mean that. He told everyone everything, yet he stopped me telling my parents and sister (when I truly needed their help at times).
At this stage, there was no affection, no appreciation and I was just this bit on his arm really. Nothing I did was going to make him happy, no matter how hard I tried. It may not have seemed like I tried at all to him, but deep down I knew I did, so if I ever walked away I knew I could with my head held up high and no regrets.
So what did I do? I started to make myself stronger, tell myself that I am worth so much more, and held onto my confidence. One guy previously managed to knock me down to rock bottom, and there was no way that was happening to me again after spending ages trying to get myself back up.
Oh yeah and still nothing in the bedroom at this point either! I have a strong feeling women are not his thing…
So the open-your-eyes moment for me was this Sunday night (16th July), after coming back from my parents. I had sorted things with my sister and was in a damn good mood.
So his mum wants to talk to me; saying about me going out with a bunch of guys (by the way these bunch of guys I have known for 10 years and are my brothers!) – and how I’m posting it everywhere and why I haven’t taken her son with me blah blah. I told her every-time, your son bails on me and I’m not bailing on my family for anyone. It was the blame game once again with her; you don’t do this, you don’t do that, your husband deserves this, you need to do this for him…
It just didn’t stop. I had to say to her that it’s a two way thing and he needs to make the effort too. It’s not the olden ages where the wife doesn’t talk, and just takes everything that was thrown her way. We resolved it (finally) and that was just the beginning…
She decided to drip her poison in her son’s ear, saying all sorts about me and well all I heard him say was “I’m gonna give it 3 months and I’m filing for divorce“. Now you can imagine how angry I got when I heard that, especially for him to say that to his mum and not even to my face. I flew down the stairs it started kicking off. Don’t get me wrong, I was up in his face, I was shouting and I pushed him saying “Why wait do it now!” – But what I didn’t expect was the reaction I got back..
He literally grabbed me, pushed me onto the sofa and just pinned me down – Yep… he assaulted me in not so many words. I am prone to panic attacks when something is way out of my control, and well this was not helping my situation whatsoever. The worst thing was his family stood there, not one person asking him to get off me, instead just shouting at me to “stop f*cking screaming because the neighbours will hear.” Does it look like I give a f*ck that the neighbours will hear? If anything I wanted them to, so someone could at least come and help me! Honest to God, if his parents weren’t there, that look in his eyes showed me enough; he would have gone for me completely. He says he wouldn’t ever hit a woman, well if you can pin one down against her will, then there is no stopping you mate!
He finally did let go after some time, and I went straight up to get my keys to leg it out the door. He stopped me, and wanted to talk (FOR A DAMN CHANGE). He said how sorry he was, how he wanted to change and give him two weeks to do it. He doesn’t ever want to separate or get a divorce from me because he loves me… Blah blah bllaahhh!!! So like an idiot, I stayed thinking things will change from now on.
But sadly, they only got worse…
The Trip To Milan
(3rd – 6th August ’17)
Stupid right? How can a couple who has been through all of this go on holiday? Well to me, it was make or break. I was willing to forgive him. But I didn’t realise that it was make or break for him too.
I didn’t make it known that I went abroad with him, for many reasons. I didn’t want the “Why have you gone?” – “Are you mad for going?” – etc.
Milan is such a beautiful city and I would go back again in a heartbeat. Until the day before we was leaving, we had a massive argument which changed it all for me. I won’t delve into too much detail because it’s boring and pointless, but at the end of it all, he showed me exactly what he thought about our relationship and that in my eyes was the end of it. I just knew from that moment on that we wasn’t going to be together for much longer… and I think he did too.
The Actual Split
So this is kinda funny now when you look back at it with hardly any emotion attached; he came to my damn place of work to do it!!!! Considerate I know (!)
He always used to moan to me he never wanted to talk about our issues when he was at work; it was like we had to schedule it into his diary at times, He couldn’t hack it that’s what it was really.
Anyways, I took it like a strong woman and heard him out. We went for lunch (something we used to do when we was dating), and then decided to tell me that something’s wrong. He wasn’t happy and could see that I wasn’t either (no sh*t Sherlock!). Cutting it short, he told me he didn’t love me anymore and hasn’t for a few months, he wasn’t physically attracted to me that’s why we couldn’t make love (after nearly a year of marriage!) and he wanted a separation – well to begin with, then it ended up him wanting a divorce. The funny thing is he was so emotionless saying this to me; no smiles, no tears, no anger, no actual emotion was shown.
He went against all he said, and he actually had the nerve to say to be for the previous months that ‘he loved me’ – WHAT A FLIPPING JOKE! I was so calm and so cool about it, because I thought ‘Why the hell should I show you how I’m feeling when you don’t even care right now?‘
So after all of this, the same day I went over to his place along with my parents to grab 4 cars full of my stuff (I know right), walked out and never looked back. Let me point out here that not one of them gave a damn shit I was going. They already knew the day before that this is what he was gonna do, and once again I was the last to know something in MY MARRIAGE. They all stood there, with my ex-father-in-law trying to speak to my dad about the situation, ex-mother-in-law hiding her shameful face, ex-brother-in-law jamming upstairs and yet my ex is there “I wanted this, I want to divorce your daughter” all smug looking.
Let The Divorce Begin
So this is what some call the scary part, but to me it’s the best part. It is daunting don’t get me wrong; I did feel slightly nervous, but to be honest I have never been more prepared and ready to get the ball rolling.
I won’t go into grave detail about the ins and outs, but it is a long process – so say think twice before getting married to someone because splitting is just as costly! Now I started the ball rolling before it hit our one year, waiting for the solicitor to get in touch with me to make the first move, when in actual fact I found out that he beat me to it!
As I was waiting for them to get in touch to send the initial letter, I get hit with the divorce papers.
The best part … wait for it … they came on my birthday!
All I can say is thank you God I actually had an amazing weekend and then came back home to that, because I was on such a high from the excitement I couldn’t care less that he petitioned it first!
Let me mention that he is using the most shittest solicitors ever; they had so many spelling errors and couldn’t even form decent sentences when you’re supposed to state reasons! I won’t use their company name because I don’t want to get done for slander, but DAMN!
Now as we’re very newlywed in a sense, you can either file for adultery or unreasonable behaviour (there’s more options but they don’t apply to either of us). Now as you can tell from the top section of my blog, I had a lot to use against him. However, his reasons were so pathetic I actually cried laughing! He didn’t even have a leg to stand on, so he used my reasons against me; I refused intimacy or sexual contact, I was out late with friends all the time and I barged into his home to collect my stuff the day we split
I have never heard anything so stupid in my life;
- Lack of intimacy – mate you have resisted for the whole time we have been married, so don’t even say I didn’t try with you! I won’t go into detail but when a woman tries, don’t ever underestimate how far she will go just to make you love her. Oh wait .. I don’t mean that in a psycho way!
- Late with friends – I actually told him I was having counselling because of what he put me through and used the excuse of ‘seeing friends’ to his parents, but had the nerve to say I was always out! At least they were better company than coming home to a heartless husband with a twisted family!!
- Barging into his family’s home – omg I WISH I DID! Just remember your dad was outside, wathcing me drive up to the house with the DOOR WIDE OPEN! You stood there with your dad wanting to talk about us; you asked for the divorce so tell me what is there to talk about? If I was any other girl I would have slapped you stupid and argued – I had my dignity and just collected my stuff without saying anything! So appreciate that I didn’t go into B*TCH mode mate!!
I can’t begin to tell you how long it has taken. I do feel for those who are in the process and have a house and/or kids in the mix. With us, it was supposed to be a ‘clean break’ – no financial attachments, no kids, no nothing (Thank GOD!) and it is such a long process!
As he issued, I was waiting for him to be honest which was so annoying. He was in control, which meant I was in the dark and I just had to go along with it. It got to the point that I was getting in touch with my solicitor to dismiss his petition and start my own as we hadn’t heard back in months about where we were. His solicitors were so sh*t; they never responded back to emails, phone calls etc. letting us know what was going on which left us to pick between the two:
- Carry on waiting for him
- Dismiss his petition for divorce and go with my own.
From September 14th when the papers were issued by him, it’s now 28th January 2018 and I finally heard that from Thursday 1st March 2018, he can finally apply for the Decree Absolute. I can’t even begin to tell you the things you think, you feel and those horrible nightmares you wake up from.
What made it worse is I know exactly what him and his family is like; they’re greedy, they like being spiteful, they thrive off people’s mishaps and misfortunes and I think that’s why we clashed so much because I am the complete opposite. They like misery and other’s negativity, whereas I’m all about the positivity and growth of individuals.
So let’s wait until 1st March 2018 and then see how long it takes to get to that light at the end of the tunnel!
In the meantime, I find out that he’s been casually entertaining other women, sleeping around to prove that he isn’t gay! It was amazing how much he had mentioned; I was rebounding (if I was I would like to know who with!), I was doing this and doing that.
It’s nice to know (yet creepy at the same time) that he was keeping tabs on me via his friends and family after we split! Put it this way he had no boundaries on what he wanted to say, how everyone else was to blame for the marriage falling yet he was the victim.
Que to wet myself laughing…
Finding Freedom Once Again
So after ages of waiting and not hearing anything back, I finally get an email from my solicitor on 26th April 2018. Now this was something that I had mixed emotions about…
So firstly they hit me with a claim he put in that I STOLE jewellery (which rightly belongs to me) and calling me A THIEF. I was fuming when I read this as he has over 10k-15k worth of gold that is mine sitting in their safety deposit box which I am never gonna see again, yet he has the nerve to say that I stole from them.
Mate… If I was gonna steal, I would have done a decent job rather than take what is RIGHTFULLY mine.
So then… Around 5 minutes later, another email comes along and send me a PDF of my DECREE ABSOLUTE from the courts.
As of Tuesday 17th April 2018 … I am officially divorced!
I cannot tell you what was going through my head at the time; I was frustrated that I was called a thief by him and then so happy that I am now free from him and his family. I am free from that disgusting last name I was carrying around for 16 months. I am free from that family and their twisted ways. I am free from that narcissist!
With regards to the financial dispute he put against me, that is something that I had the option to go court for, but I decided to leave it because it wasn’t worth the hassle. At the end of the day, he should have stated that in his application against me rather than try to claim for it after. What an idiot hey!
Take Note: If you’re gonna call someone a thief for stealing sh*t, then put it in the application and don’t add it in after… your case may not win!
On Friday 15th June (I know I am leaving it super late as I have been busy planning life), I finally collected my official Decree Absolute Certificate:
Just for the sake of not disclosing too much, I have had to blur out a few bits but you get the jist of what one now looks like.
Now I get to be free. Now I get to be happy. Now I finally get to feel how a bird looks; just go anywhere and everywhere without having to worry. I get my freedom back and get to live my life how I want to.
I actually feel so relieved that he did the hard work for me and ended it, because it saved me having to show him emotion if I spoke to him about how I felt. It sounds so weird but I actually had the biggest smile in me when he said the word ‘DIVORCE’ – because it meant that I can have my life back. I don’t need to no longer please because I have to, I get to please because I want to. I get to just be me and someday find someone who accepts me for me.
With him, I never wanted kids, but the thought of being with someone else in the future, I would actually consider. He tried to change me, and a part of me was slowly doing so, but I came to realise that no matter what I did, nothing was ever good for him.
He was treated like this little saint by his family, when in actual fact he’s a broken boy. I won’t say man because he’s not there yet, but this boy who doesn’t know the meaning of love even if it smacked him in the face or did him up the a**! He was insecure, he was broken and worst of all, he was heartless.
Yes I know I shouldn’t say bad against him; I’m not that type of person. But truly speaking, he made me love him when I could have been much happier being on my own rather than with someone who doesn’t appreciate another human being.
Now I don’t know for certain, but so many people have been saying to me when they first met him, they instantly thought he was gay and was trying so hard to cover it up because it’s not accepted. His family is the type to slate bisexual and homosexual people, and I think that’s why he had a lot to do to cover the fact that he is. There were so many signs that were there at the time but I never saw them until I split, and everything became clear; no wonder he never wanted to sleep together, because he wasn’t into women. And you know what that is fine, but he shouldn’t ruin someone else’s life because he can’t actually deal with his own.
If you didn’t know, being Indian and Gay is a massive deal; to the point they could and would disown you. So I can see why he wanted to keep it a secret, but watch when it comes out later down the line….
I’m glad I went through all of this; it has made me grow, it has made me learn so much in such a short space of time and best of all, it has made me realise what I want from life. I’m not gonna say all men are the same, because I know they’re not. But boys like this ruin it for the decent guys out there who only ever want to love a woman.
And that is what the arrow represents – it represents the future, to always keep on looking forward and the adventures that are yet to come. Not many understand that it takes a lot to pull yourself through a divorce, and I am so glad that I made it through. I get another shot at living and this time, I’m gonna do it right! The only way I can go is upwards and onwards…
Now let me just end this on a ‘Thank You‘. Thank you to everyone who has been there from day one supporting me; friends, family, acquaintances, strangers. I always do it when I hit another 1k on my social media, but truly you don’t know how much you all actually affect me. I have never felt so much love for so many people on a daily basis.
Like I said, it’s because of you all that I’m still going. Because of you all I am striving for something for the first time in my life. I have a goal that I want to reach, and you are all helping me to get there.
Thank you all for the support, the love, the genuine care; I would love to try and repay it back to you all somehow!